Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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