i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
