this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
