I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
