I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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