ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
