he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
