from now on my penis is your penis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
