the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
