apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
