Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize