It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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