that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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