i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
