"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
