I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
