I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
