So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
