Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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