Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
