She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
