And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
