Kiss
Puke
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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