Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
