I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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