I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize