I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
