well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
