I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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