pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
