Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
