i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
