i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize