is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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