So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found the puke drawer
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
