Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
