first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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