i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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