im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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