I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
