Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
