Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
