If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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