Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
