i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
