Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
