I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize