haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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