I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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