Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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