She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
