Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
