okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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