one two three fourrrrnication!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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