I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
even my farts smell like vagina
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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