What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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