How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
