I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
