i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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