HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize