Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
