super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize