I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
