Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
