i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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