dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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