i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
