Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk is a universal language darling
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
