Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
